Katxlovely's Journals

Cupid's not shooting heart shaped arrows.

Cupid's an assisin of the human heart and mind.

I really wish I could be the big person right now, I wish I could turn and walk away from you. I wish I could yell at you, at how much you hurt me and how it feels like you slapped me across the face when you said those things. We used to be in love, but now we're not. You gave me some great things to write about, but I'm all out of creativity right now. I'd love to say "You broke my heart" but I'm already healing and I'm not another sob story.

I want to be mean to you, to say our lives are nothing alike, to say I'm tougher, stronger, better than you. But that in itself is a Lie. I've always loved you, and I made you my number one, all I wanted was to be your number one but I came second best and that's what threw me over the edge. I need the person who can make me his first, who loves me fully and it's okay for me to be selfish.

It'd be easy for me to say I don't care. But that's not true, and it'd be easy to say "I don't miss you" but that's also not true, it'd be easy to say I'm over you but apart of me wants to cry and I'm all out of tears. I tried my dear, I tried to please you. But you weren't happy and there's nothing I can do about it, it's not my fault you're not happy. You can't go on blaming me and when you want me, I won't be here for you. You've just reached a new life crisis... And I tried to be the patient girlfriend but that wasn't enough, nothing was.

It's not me, it never was. It's always been you and when you come calling, I don't know if I'll pick up the phone. And I know, deep down, I know you'll get to missing having me around and will want me and I'm not going to be around for you, well, I can't promise that because frankly, maybe I'll be single and available that week. This was never about me, it's always been about you. I didn't do shit wrong, and I'm not going to be the victim either.

So we had our run, and I know I can do better. That's what I do, I move on. I won't call you, I won't text, I'm not going to wait for you either. We're over, we're done. Just like you said.

maybe I should care more.

So, one of my best friends over dosed last weekend. And it's honestly such a mind opener, I could've lost this girl. So, maybe I should care more about the whole "Drug" thing. I mean, I don't do them.... But that doesn't mean I haven't felt the want/need to just get high and forget about everything. No Joke.

Life sucks, drugs are easy to get, why not?

That's a typical thought but then they rival with what my dad says to me. He's the only person who's keeping me grounded in such times as these. Despite the recession, despite the fact I'm loved, and despite the fact my life is slowly getting better. I just stoped caring and I think I did get a little depressed after all.

But now, I don't know if I Ever want to do drugs. I don't know if I Ever want to get high, right now? I'd rather cry into my boyfriend's arms and yeah... It never was an aspect of life where my friends who do drugs or the ones who never did but just decided to.... would wind up dead. How can someone want to stay sober in times like these, is what I'm wondering and how can someone like me stay sober despite the world falling apart and the only way to hold it together is with some glue and tape? And hope it doesn't break?

I just.... I don't know.

Miley Cyrus wrote a Book?!

Shocking, I know.

So, I found this interview on MTV.com about her writing her own autobiography.

And what is probably the most eye-roll worthy information to me is that she thinks, no, believes her life is a tragic mess and is truly "hard". Trust me, there is nothing hard about going through a break up or getting bullied when you're a famous pop star from Disney channel and you grew up rich.

"There's a lot about being bullied and a lot about breakups, and that's something that is really hard to write about and stuff that's easy to relate to," she said. "And I wanted my fans to always be able to relate to me, so I think that was really important."
Stated Miley Cyrus in an interview.

Well jeeze, can you really relate to the thousands of teenagers, parents, and human beings who have lost their jobs, have no home, and are for lack of better term-homeless with no where to go? Can you truly relate to the people who can't make ends meet and are just trying to survive? Who are actually bullied and have to put up with it and shut up for schools, and society honestly just doesn't give a fuck? (Excuse my language)

"Sure, being bullied and breaking up with a Jonas brother may have been difficult, but there's still one tragedy that is the most painful for Cyrus to talk about. "[Writing about] the loss of my granddad [was hard]," she said. "That was something I hadn't talked about in a long time, and I was really happy. ... It was really good to just remember that." "

Oh boo-hoo, loss of family members. Yeah it sucks, but just get on with it. Her life isn't even that bad, writing about how her grandfather died? Oh well. He obviously had just grown old and did what we all are going to do, die. Maybe it wasn't peaceful, I don't know, but what I do realize is that life keeps going and you can't let one setback, one loss become such a tragedy....
Especially if you're daddy will buy you whatever you want.

She's honestly, one of the most immature and over exaguratting annoying tweens in society.
And I do realize, I am as old as she is, but my emotional and mental maturity tends to exceed hers by a lot.

She's sixteen, she shouldn't be writing an "autobiography". And talking about a break up, loss of family, and other crap, really isn't worth buying or even reading.

So, I rate this book, a 3 out of 10. ((Because I feel the need to be nice, this evening.))

What do you think about this??
Or even her?

scars

A memory that truly hurts to think of. And the actual representation of something that happened to you long ago.

I'm an endless collection of scars.
Some are by accident, some caused by tragedy. But never are they because I Wanted it to Happen. Things just tend to Happen to Me.

Like the catastrophe of the pizza oven incident in September '08. And the Ironing incident in December '08...
Then just today...
three new scars

These, are what I call a tragedy.
Trying to prevent someone or something from dieing and putting yourself at risk, and knowing that this is the last straw and two of your beloved pets will have to go.
Oh yes, it's indeed one of my most heart wrenching moments.

This isn't the first time I've have to break up a dog fight, this isn't the first time I've been scratched or bit. I can recall times from my childhood where I got bit in my knee by being between two dogs, but it hasn't stopped me from loving them...

It's not the pain, it's the fear of watching something You Love so much that scared me the most. I knew that if I was bit, the dog(s) would have to be put down, I still know...
This is a jumbled mess.
My breathing is ragged.
I wish I could cry, but nothing will produce.

I just don't know.... I just.... Don't know what to think anymore

Freegan's, dumpster diving, and freecycle

What do you think about these things?

http://freegan.info/

I spent an entire afternoon scouring that site for information. Why? Because I was bored and wanted to know more. Well it's intrigued me to want to start doing something like this, not give up all my loves-eating meat for example, and wearing leather.
But enough to want to find Cheaper ways to get items like books, food (as long as it's not over a week old and hasn't sat out long), and clothes.

I love freecycle.com, I recently joined and gave away two bags full of clothes to this family who needed it. I didn't expect to get anything in return but now I'm getting a gamecube with some games from the same people! It makes me feel good knowing I can help out the environment and other people in this economic crisis that's amongst us.
You should check in your area(s) for one! I like looking to see if there's anything that might be useful to me and if I want it, if I do I try to get it. I've only been doing it for a while now too.

And what do you think of dumpster diving? Yay or nay?
Would you do it? Do you know people that do?

(I might add more to this later.)

yay or nay?

Friday I get internet back at my house.

And my dad is taking me to the Emerald City comicbook convention in April. (google it?) It's to make up for the fact that I lost 1,060 images or 1,600 images because I didn't have them on a disk and they(being parental control) wanted the computer fixed not knowing that the computer guy (Lets call him T.) was going to swipe the entire memory.

I've lost all my files but the ones that were Extremely important (say a tee design) are stored on a memory card and in my U drive at school. What would I do with my life without a computer? Honestly, I have no idea. I rely on technology just a bit too much, but oh well.

But seriously I was so pissed off and upset for loosing those pictures, especially the band ones that I never even had a chance of posting here :( tragedy in the midst. (And all my photoshopped masterpeices-some that i spent well over 3 hours correcting and completing to be 'perfection' and look like someone was never there ect...ect.) oh well, I still have more shows to attend, movies to see, and I get a batman hoodie this weekend and my tickets to the convention. I'm stoked.

Another thing, I'm learning how to drive soon and will have a car most likely by summer. Joy? Honestly my emotions are kind of apprehensive about it... No need to get too excited here. OHHHH and I might have mono on top of being anemic which means all I can manage is sleep? :( Lame.

But I'm looking at the brightside, which is-Hopefully it'll be a very hot summer and the soccer season is only a month or so away and I get to go to a convention in Seattle. :)

Oh and there's a Betsey Johnson store in Seattle (woot!) haha, I shall visit it soon enough. (current book i'm enjoying; unedited "review only" copy of "The Amazing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth girl". I forget the author...)

mai lifeee so far as I know it

so life hasn't been going well at all. In fact, it's been depressing and beyond stressful. BUT it was sunny on Saturday!! Hoo-Ray for that. :D

School is a mess, but frankly I don't care (that much)... And just a bunch of drama drama drama (inside out outside in)
after all that?!

well.... I can honestly say I don't know if the boy I'm into is truly into me (some juinor high girl now?!) wahgoanoga upsets me.

What can I say though?

lost internet at my house. I hope I get it back this week.
And I've done more chores and stuff ya' know. Anyways I hate hate HATE school (well this school) but that's all.

with love...

and wish me good luck on Midterms and social life and stuff please (prayers and anything will help tons)

:) So cold I could see my breath

Song title: Emery
It runs through my head every time I step outside. No joke.

well
this is really one of those random blogs that have no purpose...

But I'm going to do something new. A Daily Outfit through photos and such. :)
It's about being creative with your clothing and such.

anyways...

what are you guys into?
any new clothing trends you love/hate?

whatever.

Who'd of Known?

These lyrics and this song make me feel so well and amazing.
It's a beautiful song, and I'm looking forward to Lily Allen's new album. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vr4VW1aQ2pE&feature=related
watch it there and you can read the lyrics.

It's really magical.

Puppy mills, dogs, Humane Society

http://stoppuppymills.org/

Puppy mills are HORRIBLE, and the animals are put in conditions not suited so people can get "Pure" bred dogs. No dog is better than any other.

They're locked into cages that are excruciatingly small, and buying from even a pet store isn't the best idea. They out source, and if you don't know what that means, it means that they're ORDERING THE DOGS from these mills.

Dogs Aren't Clothing, they're NOT toys, and they do feel, breathe, eat, and love us.
They protect, care, and most of all, are genuine. They have their own personality, and I can garuntee there's a dog out there for you, but PLEASE go to your local Humane Society animal Shelter (they have cats too!)

The people that work in the shelters are extremely nice and I'm sure you'd find one dog suited for you, and if not, go back in a week and look again! The shelters can get crowded with them, and sometimes, a great dog is put down for space issues.
All money you spend is donated to the Humane Society. Never pocketed.

Who needs pure bred anyways?

Dogs are all good!
Any size, or shape.

So this year, visit your local Humane Society and at least spend some qualtity time with a dog, show it some love. And trust me, the 100-50$ isn't THAT much when you think about all the time, and love and how you just saved a life.